How can a relationship give us grief at times? Therapist explains

Having a loving and caring relationship with our spouses is the best thing that every one of us loves and wants to have till the end of our lives. We all imagine a life with our spouses wherein we will be looked after, cared for, and loved for who we are.

But, sometimes, this dream comes shattering down when things don’t go as planned and we are left fending for ourselves and feel extreme grief as well. This grief can persist for days and takes time to go away.

This is because we all have a fear of moving on from a partner with whom we were so comfortable and intimate. When nothing goes right with our partner or spouse, we feel that we will never find anyone more compatible in the next relationship.

Or even if the relationship persists, things can change or the relationship can take a very different turn as well. This again gives us a lot of grief as we had many plans with our spouse or partner for the future.

Says Lalitaa Suglani on changing relationships and grief,

Relationship grief isn’t just about someone you love passing away, it’s about the grief that comes when you have to let go of an idea you had for the future. It’s when you have to grieve the future you wanted to share with someone or when you have to let go of the idea that your family will look a certain way.

Reasons when relationship grief becomes real and too much to deal with

Here are some of the reasons why we develop relationship grief when we have to give up on our ideas of having a perfect one with our partner.

Letting go of the idea of a perfect future

Relationship grief can hurt us a lot when we have to trash our idea of a happy future with our partner. Mostly, many of us have the perfect idea of what a relationship should look like, and when that doesn’t happen, it gives us a lot of hurt and grief.

Feeling of loneliness

Additionally, every relationship does have some level of dependency from both partners. However, when this dependency gets snatched away from us, we feel that we are all alone and have to deal with this grief by ourselves.

Not enough for the relationship

Many factors can break a relationship between couples and cause grief to both partners. However, we start criticizing ourselves for not being the better person.

Becoming strangers from being intimate

During a relationship, we are quite intimate with our partner but when it breaks down, a strange feeling develops over both of us.

Letting go of the idea of a perfect family

Finally, if we have thought about having children and starting a settled family with our partner, it can be quite hurtful if our partner or spouse rejects the idea fully on our face. This is the most painful thing that any partner or spouse has to endure.

So, this is how we experience relationship grief and find it hard to cope with at times. Therefore, we must have a partner whom we can trust fully and who is ready to have a settled life with us.

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