Why abandonment issues can hurt us during childhood and adulthood

In life, when we have faced abandonment issues since childhood, these tend to make us fear losing people in the long run. However, we suppress these feelings when we are young, but as we enter adulthood, these feelings spill over.

Not only do they spill over, but they can also have a very traumatizing effect on our adult relationships and make us develop huge amounts of fear.

Says therapist Allyson Kellum-Aguirre on abandonment issues,

Abandonment wounds run deep, often shaping our self-esteem in profound ways. From internalising rejection to fearing intimacy, the impact is real.

What abandonment looks like in adulthood and why it instills a deep sense of fear

Here’s what abandonment issues can do to our mental health and relationships in adulthood.

Makes us feel unlovable and unworthy

If we have been carrying the wound of abandonment for a long time, we accept the fact that we are unworthy of love and companionship for others.

Instigates negative self-talk

Having a deep sense of abandonment leads us to start taking the path of negative self-talk. Moreover, this harsh self-criticism makes us believe that we are unwanted and no one should love or care for us.

Don’t give time to deepen our relationships

A person with abandonment issues doesn’t feel the need to crave deeper relationships as they feel that they will be left alone shortly. It creates a vicious cycle and makes us feel unworthy.

Becoming perfectionists

When we don’t get love or support from others, we tend to start making our lives perfect to get others’ attention and avoid criticism and failure. But, it can also lead to feelings of unworthiness.

Seeking approval and validation

If a person with this issue still manages to get into a relationship, they seek constant approval and validation from their partners so that they can feel good about themselves.

Thus, this is how this crisis looks for a person with this huge wound. So, start treating such people with care and attention and make them feel worthy, valid, and loved for.

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